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All my life I was wondering why do people go
together? What is the point? What are people looking for in a
relationship and why is it so important? When I started getting
older I wanted to know myself, so I was determined to find out.
My journey began when I was in
elementary school. I wasn’t the most attractive girl in the
school but I was certainly not the ugliest. I had a lot of
friends. I had good grades and life was okay. One day it started
raining around lunchtime so we had to go inside the auditorium to
stay dry. I happened to sit right next to Daniel. We started
conversating and he said he would like to go out with me. I was
young then so I said “ Where McDonalds? I love they fries!”
“ No, not Mickey D’s but would you like to be my
girlfriend?” he said laughing.
“Sure I don’t care.”
I said. Even though I liked him I always had an eye for
Joseph, a classmate of mine. During the months we went together I
liked it. We would hug and play games and sit next to each other
at lunch. We were in different sections but we would still see
each other and wave. I started to like him a lot. Just when my
feelings were getting deep that is when he wanted to break up with
me. But he wasn’t strong enough to come say it in my face. He
went and got my friends, Chelsea and Crystal to tell me. He said
that I was “always checking to see if he was cheating on me.”
Which I really wasn’t I was really just an observant person. It
didn’t matter because we didn’t “click” anyway. I later
found that the feeling I felt wasn’t love it was just that I was
really starting to like him a lot.
Well I got over him very quickly. After that, I started to
go with Mike. I really didn’t like him I just went with him as a
backup to show that I could move on faster than Daniel did. Mike
and I stayed together the end of the school year, which was about
1 month then we broke up.
When I
went to seventh grade I went with a couple of people, they were
not all that cute though. I started going with this boy named
Quinton. He looked like he was mixed with something, but it really
didn’t matter. He was obnoxious, annoying, stupid, idiotic,
self-centered, deranged, psychopathic, egotistical, disturbed, and
unbalanced. I can’t believe I lowered my standards to go with
the scum of the earth! But I lived through it. (Even though it was
hard to.) Then I went with this boy named Lester at church. He was
cool with his lazy eye, but I decided we were only best as
friends. I still see him and he is still trying to spit game. 7th
grade year passed by rather quickly now that I didn’t have any
time to spend with anybody.
8th grade was a good year. I didn’t really go
with anybody during the first couple of months. I started looking
again around October of that year. I would always hang around with
my girls at lunchtime. Everyday we would sit around outside and
scan everybody to see if the cute boys were anywhere around so we
could hang with them. I was looking around and I saw Joseph, my
long time crush. “Girl look, look!” I said hitting Amber’s
arm. “Who do you see Shae?” Amber asked. “It’s Joseph!”
I said with excitement. “Get off that nigga jock! He don’t
look that good. Well, he looks way better than he did last
year, but that is beside the point. Anyway he don’t want you. I
am sure that there are plenty of girls who all on that nigga jock
too.” Erica said. “Are you saying that I can’t get him? I
hope not ‘cause I get everything I want, so I am pretty sure
that Joseph is no exception.” I replied. “Bet you can’t!”
Nicole assumed “Bet 5!” I replied. We all shook hands to make
the bet official. So I walked up there, put on my game face and
decided to talk to him.
-“
Hey Joseph how are you?”
-“
Fine I guess. Why you ask?”
-“
Oh just wondering. So, why haven’t I seen you in a while?”
-“Well
I had to go to alternative school because they said that I had sex
with this girl during school.”
-“
Did you?” I said with open ears
-“
No. They just thought we were cause I was kissing on her and
rubbing on her leg when they came in.”
-“
Oh, well I have to go, bye.”
I
ran away and went back to my clique.
“What was up with that, did you get the digits?’
Amber asked “ Girl no, he was freaking me out up there.” I
said. Well Halloween was coming up. Every year at my church we
have this thing called a Hallow Fest, because we don’t celebrate
Halloween the way that other people do. We celebrate it the way it
is supposed to be celebrated. People often confuse the holiday for
the devil’s b-day. But is far from that! If you did the research
on the name you would know. Hallow means “ Holy”. If it were
an evil word would it be in the Lord’s Prayer? And the suffix
“ een” means “Day before” so really it means “day before
Holy”. Confused? Well it really means “day before all saints
day” which is on November 1. So it is really a holy holiday.
Just thought I would give you a piece of information for free
there. Now back to the story.
I walked around the church with my friends and to my
surprise I saw Joseph there. I was determined to get my money. So
I got a couple of my friends and we walked up to him and asked him
if he would like to go out with me. He said “Yeah!” I blushed.
I
told one person about me and Joseph and the next day everybody and
they momma knew about us. News travels fast! While we were going
out we would walk each other to class and he would carry my books.
We would sit together at lunch and we would talk and hug outside.
He would give me money too and asked for nothing in return He was
nice and always complimented me.
One day my close friend Chelsea started talking to this one
dude named Mario. He was thirteen and he was in some of my
classes. I never paid attention to him and he never paid attention
to me. We never spoke each other because we didn’t know each
other. Chelsea and I began a conversation and said that my name
was Monica and I was talking differently but obviously he liked it
because he tried to holla. Then Chelsea said
“This ain’t nobody named Monica this is my friend Shae!”
Mario said “Who?”
I
said, “Shae, the girl you have in your 6th period? I
am the real quiet one who always talks to Alisa and Jevondrae.”
“Oh,
I know who you are now!” he said
We continued on with our conversation and I asked
Chelsea if I could have his number she said “No!” I don’t
know why she said that but I decided if she was not going to give
it to me that I would get it myself. So the next day I decided to
put on my best clothes to impress him. I waited for 6th
period to come. Then when I saw him he was like “ Hey Shae!”
he was trying to rhyme but I didn’t have the time. (Hey that
rhymes too!) So I talked to him and then I asked him if I could
have his number. He gave it to me willingly almost like he was
waiting for me to ask. After school that day I was in a rush to
get home. I was ready to talk to him, but first I had to call
Joseph to see how he was doing. He didn’t make conversation so I
said “Joseph I have to go now my mom needs to use the phone.”
(That is the excuse I make when I don’t want to talk to
someone.) As soon as I hung up the phone, I ran in the room and
got the number. I dialed it as fast as my fingers would let me.
The phone started to ring. I was anticipating the moment when he
would pick up the phone. I heard a manly voice “ Hello is Mario
there?” I said with excitement. “ No he is not.” The dude
said. “Okay, bye.” I said. Man! I was mad then. I was so mad
that I kicked the wall and sprung my ankle. So I sucked up the
pain and decided to call Joseph back since I had nobody else to
talk to. “ Man that was quick, what did yo mama do, make a prank
call or something?” Joseph said. “ No she just changed her
mind about using the phone, she said she won’t have to use it
today.” I said. As soon as I said that my line beeped. I clicked
over and it was Mario! So I immediately clicked over and said “
Joseph my momma has to use the phone. I will call you back as soon
as she gets off.” I clicked back over and started talking to
Mario. He sounded soooo good! We talked about everything, his
girlfriend, people he found attractive, my boyfriend,
people I found attractive, school, teachers, T.V. shows and
a lot more stuff too. The more and more I started to talk to him
the more I became fascinated with him. I started to like him so
much that I even gave him a different wave every time I saw him.
For those that don’t know what wave I am talking about it is the
one where you slightly bend your fingers. (Now you know what I am
talking about?) For those who are still trying to figure it out I
will give you some time to practice.
Enough time? Well anyways, while me and Chelsea were
walking to school she asked me a question “ Do you like
Mario?” I was like “Yeah why?”
-“Oh, no reason, just wanted to know.”
-“Why?”
-“Because I like him too okay!” she said loudly.
Well that wasn’t going to stop me from talking to Mario. I liked
him and there was nobody who could change my mind; not even my
best friend.
Winter break was coming up so it was time for me to
think about what I was going to get Joseph for Christmas.
Christmas was always my favorite time of year because I got more
stuff then than I would get on my birthday! It was nice and cold
and you could go outside and pretend you are blowing smoke from
your mouth.
During our break Mario and me started to talk more
deeply about relationships and what are some good things to have
in them. We really connected. I felt like he was the best friend I
never had. I could talk to him about anything, even my
insecurities, and not get criticized for it and he could do the
same with me. I felt comfortable knowing that I didn’t have to
act a certain way, but I could be myself and get respect for that.
Christmas came and was full of surprises; I got a lot
of things, clothes, shoes, a new computer, a telephone, perfume
and other stuff that I don’t remember.
I still talked on the phone even though it was Christmas. I
talked to Mario most of the day. I talked to Joseph for about 20
minutes and my daddy kept on sending him messages talking about he
bet not put his hands on me or he would kill him. So basically he
was scaring the crap out of him.
When I got off the phone with Joseph I decided to
call Mario back. We were right in the middle of a conversation
when all of a sudden he said, “Shakera, will you be my girl?”
I was so shocked I was waiting so long for him to ask me. I was so
happy, but surprised. I mean this is me we are talking
about here. “Yes!” I said loudly. Then he scared me a little
-“ But…”
-
“But what?”
-“
You are going to have to break up with that Joseph dude.”
-“Oh
no problem.” I said reassuringly.
That day my friend Brittany was coming over so I told her
to break up with Joseph for me cause I am not too good with
break-ups. I handed her the phone “ Here, I already dialed the
number so all you have to do is tell him I don’t want to go with
him anymore.” I said. She took the phone and she talked to him
for a moment. I wanted her to shut up and get on with it.
“Shakera said that she didn’t want to go with you anymore.”
Brittany said.
She
passed the phone to me. What do he want?
-“Shakera
is it true?”
-“That
I don’t want to go with you? Yeah it’s true”
-“Why?”
-“Because
we are not what I thought and you were going with this other girl
anyway, so don’t act like I was the only one and get all
sympathetic with me. You know you really didn’t care anyways. I
was just another girl on your list. Plus I am going with someone
else anyways!”
-“Who?”
-“
None of your business! Why you worried about it? It sure ain’t
you! So now you can mark me off your list of girlfriends and give
all your time to Kathy!”
-“How
you know her name?”
-“Don’t
worry about it. It is for me to know not you! Goodbye!!” I
shouted and hung up in his face. That was my first rude break up.
I felt pretty darn good about it too. I took control.
The next day I called Mario. I told him about how Joseph
and me broke up, he was happy I did. We started talking about how
we think our relationship would turn out like. I thought it
wasn’t going to last because he was known to cheat on all his
girlfriends, so I wasn’t expecting it to last more than 2
months. I just didn’t tell him that.
-“Why
did you want to go with me anyways? There are plenty of girls
around the school that look way better than I do! I am not
trying to put myself down, but it is just a fact. I mean the girls
at school look halfway grown with they hair always done, nails
tighter than spandex on 3 fat ladies, nice clothes and a chest
from here to California. And you wanted me, out of all people?”
I said a bit confused.
-“Yeah,
I mean you real. You don’t act fake; you have a beautiful
personality that could make anybody want you. You could be the
prettiest woman in the world but if you have a bad personality you
could be one of the ugliest. You like the same things I like. Even
the show Dragon ball Z! There are not really a lot of girls out
there that look at fighting shows and stuff. You listen to
whatever I say without saying anything bad. You are funny and can
always put a smile on my face. You are smart, one of the smartest
girls I know in fact. You are talented, you write good stories and
poetry. You’re cute, I mean you just have the whole package.”
He explained
-“
Thank you.” I said blushing. He made me feel so special. I
wanted to cry. But I had to be a woman so I held it in. I was
holding it so much that I got a big lump in my throat and it
started to hurt.
We wanted to keep our relationship on the low since there
were a lot of haters, but like I said before, news travels fast!
Once again everybody and they momma, grandma, grandpa, and 2nd
cousin knew about us! We took turns walking each other to class
every class period, he would hang out with my friends and me at
lunch, we would give each other answers in class and he would walk
me to my bus everyday. We tried to spend as much time with each
other as possible. One day when I went to my friend Chelsea’s
house we decided to play a prank on Mario. Since he would always
kiss me on my neck Chelsea decided to act like I had a hickey an
on my neck and that I was going to get in trouble by my momma.
-“
Oh Mario! Shakera got this big ole hickey on her neck. You gone
get that girl in trouble her momma just found it! She said she bet
not see you either or she gone put one of them police chokeholds
on you!”
-“I
didn’t mean too. I didn’t know it was there! Man, I done got
my baby in trouble!”
-“She
said she love you.”
-“Tell
her I said I love her too. Man dang she ain’t gone ever be able
to talk on the phone again.”
-“Just
playing!” we said in unison
-“Yall
need to quit playing with a nigga’s feelings like that!” He
said
-“When
you told me you loved me did you mean it or did you just say it
because you were in the spur of the moment?” I said
-“I
really don’t know what “spur” means but I have an idea. I
just said it because I didn’t want to leave you hanging.”
-“
Do you think that there could be love in the future?” I asked
-“If
things keep going how they been going I am positive that we will
get there.” He said reassuring me.
At school we experienced nothing but haters.
Everybody wanted us to break up. Everybody kept on telling me bad
stuff about him, but I paid no attention to them. I decided that I
was going to take my chances with him. I had nothing to lose
anyways. Chelsea didn’t act like she had a problem with me going
with him, but when I got on punishment and couldn’t talk on the
phone she was the first person to call him up and start a
conversation about me. My momma had told her once not to do that
and if they were that they needed to cut back the time because it
is not fair for her to talk to my boyfriend more than I do! But
they didn’t listen. But since I am nice I let them have they
talk time. I wasn’t gone trip or nothing like that, cause he
didn’t trip when I talked to my male friends. He just told me to
get my black butt off the phone.
One day he came over Chelsea’s house with me and we
decided to look at “Love
& Basketball” that was my favorite movie. He fell asleep
right in my arms. My favorite part of the movie was when the girl
asked the dude back out even though he was the one that messed up
and he was about to get married. After the movie was over I walked
him around the corner. We held hands and looked at each other’s
eyes for a moment. He was about to kiss me but I never kissed a
boy before.
For days I couldn’t do anything but think about him and
me and how our relationship would end, if it ever did. I would
just listen to certain love songs I thought were meaningless
before and listened to them in a whole new way now. I was
experiencing some feeling that I never experienced before, so I
decided to write him a letter.
2: Mario
4rm: Shakera
When:
January 24, 2002
Where:
Home
Y: Cause I
can do that
Message: B
E
L
O
What’s up? Anyways, I really have
something on my mind, but I don’t know what it is. It is nothing
bad I just have these feelings for you I can’t explain. I
can’t eat, sleep or do anything because I spend all my time
thinking about you. I can’t concentrate on school and I count
the minutes till I see you again. Every time I hear your voice my
eyes glow. I love being around you. I feel so protected and
secure. You are so wonderful. I don’t care what other people
say. I love you. I have never felt this way about anybody. I
thought that I was in love before but I never knew love till I
found you. You make me feel so special. I just want to be with you
forever. I want to be spend every second of every hour of everyday
with you because you make life worth living and I am glad God sent
you my way.
Love,
Shakera
I gave him the letter the next day. He looked surprised
after he read it. So he wrote me back.
Hey
Shakera! That letter was real nice. It is good to know that you
feel the same way I do. I love you too. You mean so mean so much
to me that words cannot express. My momma said that I am too young
to fall in love but if this is not love than this is the strongest
puppy love in history. I would do anything for you. I would give
you anything you want in this world or die trying. I hope this
feeling never goes away.
Love,
Mario
I
felt really good. I called him that day after school and we
talked. I had a curfew at 8:00 so I told him I would talk to him
at school tomorrow.
-“
I will see tomorrow 1st period, try to come to school
early so we can hang out for a while before it is time to go to
class.” I said
-“
Alright.” He responded
-“
Okay, by….” Before I could finish my words he interrupted.
-“
Shakera!”
-“What?
I am not trying to get in trouble here.”
-“
I love you.” He said
-“I
love you too.” I said
-“
Goodnight.” he whispered
-“
Goodnight.” I responded.
I
hung up the phone and held it close to my heart for a moment and
went to my room smiling. My momma saw me.
“
What’s wrong with you? Did you just get high or something? Are
you sure you my child?” she said
I
went in my room and got my bath water ready and just thought about
our whole conversation on the phone.
The next day I told my friends about what had happened.
They were telling me that he was no good and that he cheated on
every girl he went with and that I was no different. I didn’t
know to believe them or what. I knew his reputation myself so I
was like “ I will just have my back up cause 2 can play at that
game!’ So I started talking to this boy named Anthony. I never
saw him before we would just talk on the phone. Well months passed
and everything was going real smooth.
One day in 8th period our computer literacy
teacher, Ms. Johnson was going somewhere so we had to go to
another teacher. The teacher split us up into other classes. Mario
and me were being put in the same class so I was all right. He had
this permission slip he had to take to the gym so we went to our
teacher Mr. Guillory and asked him if we could go. He said we
could but we forgot that they were running blue light specials.
For those who don’t know what that is, it is when students get
licks for being late for class. We were without passes too so we
were really skating on thin ice. We went to the gym and turned in
the slip. We decided we were not going to go back to class. We
wanted to walk the halls. So we did. I said hi to all my 7th
grade teachers and he did too. Then we went down to the basement.
(Don’t worry there are classes down there too.) We walked and
talked and then all of a sudden this lady comes out from nowhere
and says, “Where are your passes?” “Uh, we ain’t got
none.” He said, and then she said, “ Go to Mr. Summers office
and get your licks.” He said “Okay.” Then he grabbed my hand
and took off running up the stairs. It was so funny. I thought we
were caught but we weren’t. I kind of got tired of walking the
halls so I said “Can we go back to class now?” he said “Is
that what you want to do?” I said “Yes.” So he said
“Okay.” We didn’t go back to Mr. Guillory’s class. We went
to the art ladies class instead. We sat beside each other. I went
to sleep while he took my hair down and messed with it. The bell
rang so we ran out the class and he walked me to my bus and we
kissed and he said he would call me. I got on the bus and
everybody was like “Oh Shakera I saw what yall did. You kissed
him!” I said “ And you are telling me this because? I don’t
say nothing when yall kiss on yall Negroes, why yall gone say
something when I do it? I can’t be human too?” they left me
alone after that one.
The next
day was Valentine’s Day so I gave Mario a box of chocolate a
talking rose and a red helium filled air balloon. He gave me this
little sack with a bear on the inside that had his picture in it
with this rose. He also wrote me a letter.
To:
Coca Cola
From: Yo nig
Y: Valentine
Song: Sisqo; Incomplete
Time:
8:43 p.m. 2-10-02
Hey baby! I wanted to write U instead of giving you a card
so don’t think that I am cheap
( smile!) Anyways I just wanted you to know how much I truly
love U. U are my life. When we first started talking I had no idea
we would turn out to be so special. U are the only one for me.
Well, here is my poem.
Forever Mine
There is no telling what this life
will come to it doesn’t matter as long as I’m with U.
U are my baby and will always be.
Every time we kiss it sets me free.
If you’d stay with me you won’t
ever regret it
We could get married on the beach
after sunset.
I love you boo and you’re Forever
Mine,
I almost forgot Happy Valentine’s
To
the love of my life.
I rode the bus home and I talked on the phone as soon
as I stepped inside. I talked to Anthony, my other boyfriend. He
called me as soon as I put my books down. We talked for a while
and then the conversation got boring so I used my famous line “
My momma got to use the phone, I will call you back when she gets
off.” I didn’t talk to Mario that day which was kind of weird
since we talk everyday when I am not on restriction. But when I
asked Chelsea if she talked to him she said “ Yes.” Weird huh?
As soon as I saw Mario that day he did not even speak to me. He
acted like I was not even there. What was his problem? So I
stopped him and asked him what was wrong he said, “Don’t talk
to me.” “What did I do?” I asked “You are cheating on me
with some boy named Anthony!” he yelled. “ How do you know his
name?” I said. “ Don’t worry about it! It is for me to know
not you! Goodbye!” He said. Talk about a flashback, I said those
exact words to Joseph a couple of months ago. Gives me goose bumps
thinking about it. Later that day he made it official that we did
not go together anymore. It made me cry. I cried all day. My “so
called” friends Chelsea, Amber and Erica came over and said, “
What are you crying for? It is your fault yall are not together
anymore!” Do you know how much I wanted to slap them? You
don’t come up to a friend and criticize them if they are crying!
You cheer them up. Like I didn’t know I was the reason we
weren’t together! Duh! Any person would know that, that is what
made it so hurtful. I said to myself “ There goes the love I
will never experience again.” And the bad news is that I found
out that he never did cheat on me and that I changed him. He was
faithful. So basically I went with Anthony for no reason. It
wasn’t even necessary. That was a waste of energy that I could
have gave to Mario. Oh yeah another thing was the prom was a
couple of weeks from now.
I was so depressed. I didn’t do anything but imagine him
going with some other girl to the prom. I sat down and wrote a
poem to express my feelings to myself since I realized then that I
had no true friends.
Here
is where my heart once was
Here
is where my heart once was
Now
it is filled with an empty space
There
is nothing here for me anymore
Now
I sit here alone waiting, waiting for
Someone
to come in and love me the way you did
Waiting
for someone to take me and
Leave
me in the comfort of their loving arms.
I
just want someone to come in and ease this pain
That
I feel will take forever to heal.
Will
my sun ever shine again?
Will
I ever be able to look at the full moon
And
not get teary eyed?
Will
I ever get to look up and not see your face?
I
cannot escape your vision
You
follow me wherever I go.
I
will never be able to live and forget
My
first and true love even though I may try
I
will never forget that look in your eyes
That
I saw every time I saw you.
I
will never forget your gentle touch
That
gained every ounce of my trust
I
will never forget your smile
That
can turn any cold day
Into
a moment in July
I
will miss those tender lips
That
took my breath away every time we kissed
You
have made such a difference in my
Life
that words can’t express.
I
am glad I had you for the time I did.
But
now I wonder if I will ever find someone
As
true as you. Will I be able to trust
Anyone
the way I trusted you?
What
if I never find anyone like you?
Every
time I think I am over you
I
find myself silently calling your name.
I
can’t look at myself without feeling depressed.
Because
of my foolishness I am without my love
All
of my love was in you and still is
I
can’t get it back, you have my heart
And
who can live without that?
I
gave you my heart and you held it for me
In
you is where my love will always be.
I was in bad shape. I didn’t act
all happy go lucky like I usually do. But I was saddened. Bad
thing was Mario found him a date to the prom and they were going
out too! I was so surprised. I called him that day and
we finally started taking again. I told him I would write
him a letter, so I did. I gave it to him that following morning.
Hey
Mario! I see you found yourself a new girlfriend. You got over me
really quick. Well Unlike you I don’t go with anybody. I broke
up with was his name. We really didn’t bond. I have been without
you for 2 days and these are the worst 2 days of my life! I never
thought we would ever break up! What about all the stuff you told
me? What about the letters? You said that you would be here
forever and that you were forever mine remember? What happened?
Did you forget? If you really loved me like you said you did you
wouldn’t do that to me! You
didn’t trust me enough that I would eventually break up with
him. You let Chelsea break us up. She told you all that stuff
didn’t she? I gave all of myself to you. My full 100% But I do
realize I made a mistake so will you take me back? Give me another
try please.
Yours
truly,
Shakera
I gave him the letter he wrote me
back the same day.
U
keep telling me that what I said was foul but I am letting you
know how I feel. I would take you back but I think that sooner or
later u gone start doing that same stuff again. Like I said before
I refuse to be hurt again. Talking to you is like talking to a
wall. What is the point? Well if you don’t care about how I feel
then forget it. It seems like all you care about is yourself. What
do you mean I didn’t have that much trust in you? After all that
drama you put me through, I was still with you. A nigga can only
take so much. People always told me that U B doing me wrong but I
didn’t listen. Instead of coming to me U go to yo little friends
and start talking and you wonder how stuff get started. U need to
tell me what I did so bad to make you do whatever when I am not
around. Me, You, and Chelsea was on 3 way. You kept saying stuff
and Chelsea was like shut up before I tell him. U kept on talking
so she told me. U can’t tell me that it was a lie because you
tell Chelsea everything. You keep saying that she broke us up. She
helped us stay together. U said that I talked to Chelsea and
didn’t tell U nothing, but you went back and told Chelsea stuff
and I have to find out through someone else how you really feel.
You say you gave all yourself to me. I am the one who dumped all
them girls to B with u. I promised myself that I would be faithful
2 U so I gave it all up. You say that you gave 100%, if that is
the case than I gave 110%. How do you think that made me feel when
I found out you were cheating on me? I am not trying to walk out
on you. It is just that I need time to think. I love you so much
and I wish we could put this all behind us. If you want me back
show me. Take action. If you are lonely do something about it!
Mario
Well
that was an eye opener wasn’t it? Weeks passed by and the prom
was over with. I decided not to go. He had broke up with his
girlfriend so I called him.
-“Hi
Mario.”
-“Hi
Shakera.”
-“How
was your day?”
-“Fine,
thank you.”
-“Let
me get to the point. I miss you and I know I did you wrong, but I
want you to forgive me. Mario will you take me back?” I pleaded
-“There
is going to be some changes.”
-“So
is that a yes or a no?”
-“Would
I say that there are going to be some changes if it didn’t mean
yes?”
-“That
makes a lot of sense when you put it that way.” I said. He was
more quiet than usual so I decided to get off the phone. “Mario,
my momma has to use the phone, I will call you as soon as I get, I
mean she get off. Love you.”
-“Love
you too.”
I got off the phone happy and my momma saw me again.
“ Are you all right? A few minutes ago you was looking as dull
as lint now you looking like you found $10 in your shoe.”
I
skipped off into my room. I was determined to stay with him this
time. I said I was never going to cheat on him again. Everyone at
school was happy now and everybody stopped hating on us and was
used to seeing us as an item. One day when I was at my bus stop I
was hugged up on my play-daddy (He’s gay) “Shae don’t you
still go with Mario?” he asked “No we broke up 3 days ago.”
I said jokingly. “I am going to tell Mario!” Chelsea said. I
was wondering why, when I was not even talking to her. Plus, I
didn’t even mean it in that way. That’s why I can’t stand
some black folks. That same day Chelsea told him and that same day
we broke up. A couple of days later he wrote me a letter.
It is kind of funny how you don’t
talk to nobody now but when we were together you couldn’t help
yourself. But U R just being Shakera.
I mean if you really loved me you wouldn’t have done
anything to jeopardize our relationship. I miss you so much it is
pitiful, but I did agree when you said you never knew love till
you found me cause that is the way I feel about you. U said you
don’t want to go with anybody because you are afraid of falling
in love and being
hurt again. U hurt yourself. I don’t believe none of that stuff
you said in your letters. I mean I would die for you .You told me
so much stuff. I guess U wanted us to be apart. I know I wasn’t
perfect but I stayed faithful, something you obviously couldn’t
do. I just want you to think of all the laughs and the moments. I
know that no nigga just gone B faithful on the real. If you fall
in love with another nigga I almost guarantee u get hurt again.
When we watched “Love & Basketball” and I fell asleep on
your lap I was thinking that you was gone have my baby and that
you was gone be my wife. Was I ever wrong! I am sleepy and I am
going to hit the sack so I’ll holla at ya.
P.S. Have fun at the picnic I know
how u do it. Bye Coca Cola
His
letters are rather foul don’t you think, but true. The next day
it was time for us to go on our last field trip of the year to
Canyon Dude Ranch. I picked out my clothes and said to myself that
I was not going to let Mario ruin my day. It was fun. I played
games, hung with friends and danced. When it was time to go, the
DJ played one more song it was called
“Nothing in this World by Keke Wyatt and Avant.” I was
dancing with my best friend Marcus when Mario cut in and asked to
dance. We danced for a while and Chelsea took a picture of us. If
you go in my room you can see it on my wall. After the dance we
looked at each other and kissed knowing that that would be
our last time ever kissing each other again. It was the most
heartfelt kiss we ever had and I savored every moment of it. It
was time for us to go, we boarded or separate buses and went back
to school. On the last week we had to take exams so every class
Mario and me would cheat off each other’s papers. The last day
of school came and we said no good byes. It was just a hug that
said, “I will miss you.” It was a deep hug and we knew if our
relationship was going to end, it was going to have to end there.
Summer came and I didn’t talk to Mario in over 2 months.
I was moving on, or at least trying to. I was going with this dude
named Mel, the thing about was he was 18 and I was 14. So there
was a bit of age difference there. He would come over and we would
chill and watch movies and cuddled. He was nice and he brought me
stuff. I knew him for a long time especially since he went with
Chelsea. She found out about it and was really mad so I lost all
of my friends for him. I thought I was falling in love with him,
but if I was it was too quickly. I was talking to my friend about
me and Mel and I told her that I think I was falling n love with
him. So she gave me the “Love Test”
-Can you look into his eyes without
looking away?
-No
-Could
you do that with Mario?
-Yes
-Mel
has told you how he felt right?
-Yeah
-Have
you told him?
-No,
I’ve tried though but I can’t say the words
-Could
you tell Mario?
-Yes
-Shakera,
girl you don’t love Mel! He is just your backup. You are acting
like he is Mario but he is not. You are still sprung on him!
-No
I am not.
-Yes
you are! Have you kissed Mel?
-Yes
-Okay
when yall kiss who do you see?
-Ma…rio
-That
is what I am trying to tell you! You still love him.
-Mel
gave me this ring.
-What
are you going to do with that?
-I
don’t know girl. I am so confused. I don’t know what to do. I
miss Mario and I want to call him so bad but I can’t.
-Well
I don’t know what to tell you. But listen; if you still feel the
same way I am sure he feels the same way too. So give him some
time and I bet he will call you before you call him.
A week passed “ring ring” I couldn’t talk on the
phone so I didn’t pay attention to it. I went to sleep. The next
morning I checked my caller ID Mario called! So I waited till my
mom left to call him back.
-Hello,
Mario?
-Yeah
this him.
-You
sound so, so different
-So
do you.
-I
see that you called.
-Yeah
I did.
-What
made you call?
-I
had a dream about all the stuff we did like when we ran away from
that lady, and when we was at the picnic and stuff.
-Yeah
-Then
I had confused your number, so I was trying to figure it out. Then
I remembered it and decided to call and see how you were doing.
-I
am doing quite all right. Do you go with anybody?
-Yeah,
a couple of people.
-What
happened to you being faithful?
-Well,
when I saw that the person I loved and trusted the most wouldn’t
do me right no girl will. Do you go with anybody?
-
Yeah,
his name is Mel
-
Is
that the same one that Chel….
-
Yep.
-
So
do you miss me?
-
Yeah
like crazy. Do you miss me?
-
More
than you would ever know.
-
I
wish it was like it used to be. Everybody wanted a love like ours.
-
You
sound like this girl I go with, her name is….
-
Well
my momma needs to use the phone, I will call you when she gets
off.
-
Your
momma ain’t even at home
-
She
just walked through the door. I’ll call you back.
-
Okay
I will change the conversation, I know your tricks
He knows me way too well. The conversation got really
good and everything was just swell when he said, “Shakera I love
you, can’t we just start over?”
Now I have my missing piece to my
jigsaw puzzle and now it is complete. Now I got my answer; love is
a feeling that you can get from an early age and feel the same way
forever. It can be the greatest joy but it can also be the worst
pain. It is a feeling that I wouldn’t trade for anything. It is
also the feeling that me and Mario share.
“We
can start over as many times as you want us to.” I said “ But
my momma really does need to use the phone this time.” I added.
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